Saying “No” To Children: Giving Them Choices As A Quick Behavior Intervention

Fact: All humans want to control their activities and environment. So when saying “no” to children occurs for any reason, they will try to find a way to still get what they want, or they may demonstrate tantrum behaviors. So here’s a quick intervention strategy:

After you say ‘no’, immediately give them 2 ‘yes’ options. Giving them 2 choices of items or activities shows that you are willing to let them do something else instead of the activity/item you are refusing. Giving choices gives control within the boundaries of what you are comfortable with at that time.  

Here’s an example: Your child asks for a cookie before dinner. Instead of saying, “No, you can’t eat sweets before dinner!” say, “We don’t eat cookies before dinner. You can choose to eat an apple or you can choose to have your cookie after dinner.”

In that scenario, you have refused the cookies without saying the actual word “no” (another good habit to get into) but you are stating the house rules. Then you gave 2 choices within the boundaries of what you are willing to have happen.

Giving choices frequently deflects tantrum behaviors and focuses on what your child CAN do or have instead of what they can’t. Practice this strategy and you will find saying “no” to children become a lot easier for everyone!

Because Life is All About Connections

Life Connections provides in-home Behavioral Health Intervention services, Therapy services, autism (ABA) services and Children’s Mental Health waiver services in our 13 office locations and approved schools across Iowa. Life Connections was founded in March of 2009 with the intent to serve the children and families of Cedar Rapids and surrounding cities.

Life Connections is a highly professional and caring counseling and behavioral health provider. We offer a wide array of services to treat mental health issues including Applied Behavior Analysis Services, anxiety treatment, Behavioral Health Intervention Services, Family and Community Support (FCS) Providers, depression treatment, family therapy, marriage and couples counseling, mental health therapy, school-based therapy programs, and Tele-Mental Health. 

For more information, please call 319-409-6922. 

Resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255
• Crisis Text line text to 741741
• The Trevor Project – for LGBTQ+ young adult community 866-488-7386
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network 800-656-4673