Parenting an adolescent can be a challenging time; hearing that your child identifies as a different gender than the one assigned for them at birth can often be upsetting for many parents and leave them with many questions about what to do and what happens next. It can also be extremely difficult for adolescents to share gender identity information with their parents or guardians, and many fear the response they will receive; which may be a contributing factor to the alarming rate of suicidal ideation among LGBTQ youth, which studies show can be as high as 40%. So how can we provide the love and support our children need at home?
The following are a few tips to assist parents:
- Listen with an open heart and mind
Coming out to friends and family can be extremely frightening regardless of age. Acknowledge their vulnerability and strength; they are still the same child you have always known. Listening to your child without judgment helps you to know what they need to feel affirmed in their identity and for your child to feel validated and loved in their experience.
- Check in with them regularly
What name would your child like to be called? What pronouns do they prefer? Knowing and using your child’s preferred name and pronouns is among the most affirming practices you can do to support your child. However, as they continue to explore and learn more about themself and their identity, be open to the possibility of these changing. Don’t be afraid to ask them.
- Love them unconditionally
You did not become a parent to love your child with conditions. Even if you feel this is “just a phase” it is important to love them through every phase of their life. (Note: avoid telling your child you believe it’s a phase. This feels extremely invalidating to LGBTQ+ youth and can be very damaging to their mental health.)
- Seek out your own support, educate yourself, and accept your feelings
It is perfectly normal for many parents to feel grief and loss after learning their child identifies as transgender. It is not the child’s responsibility to make the parent okay with their identity. Take the time to educate yourself and reach out to your own support system frequently as you navigate this new parenting challenge.
The following are a list of internet resources for parents of LGBTQ+ youth that may be a helpful place to start educating yourself and supporting your child:
Local resources and places where your child can feel supported include:
Additionally, there are numerous therapists trained and who specialize in gender affirming services at Life Connections that would be happy to connect you with the support you need.
Written By: Michelle Logsdon, MS, tLMHC
Mental Health Therapist
Because Life is All About Connections
Life Connections provides in-home Behavioral Health Intervention services, Therapy services, autism (ABA) services and Children’s Mental Health waiver services in our 13 office locations and approved schools across Iowa. Life Connections was founded in March of 2009 with the intent to serve the children and families of Cedar Rapids and surrounding cities.
Life Connections is a highly professional and caring counseling and behavioral health provider. We offer a wide array of services to treat mental health issues including Applied Behavior Analysis Services, anxiety treatment, Behavioral Health Intervention Services, Family and Community Support (FCS) Providers, depression treatment, family therapy, marriage and couples counseling, mental health therapy, school-based therapy programs, and Tele-Mental Health.
For more information, please call 319-409-6922.
Resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255
- Crisis Text line text to 741741
- The Trevor Project – for LGBTQ+ young adult community 866-488-7386
- Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network 800-656-4673
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